It was Halloween night and the neighborhood was luminous from the lights on the houses. There were children around laughing, and looking elated. Most leaves from the trees were on the ground with vivacious colors. Only once a year this neighborhood looks this blithe. Being a part of this gives me a wonderful feeling I’ve never felt before- joy.
My name is Andrew, and I live in a shabby trailer park near a rich neighborhood. My father, who seemed nice, but was secretly cruel, left when I was ten. I am fifthteen now. My younger brother, who is nine, doesn’t remember him. Everyday, I ecstatically hope he would come home. Every night, I get disappointed and become hopeless.
Because of diminutive amounts of food I had, I decided to go trick-or-treating, although I think I am too old.
"I’m leaving, Mom," I called.
"Ok. Be back by ten and don’t go to far," my mother addressed.
I left quickly, without wearing a costume, hoping I would get a lot of candy.
My bag was full after an hour,but I brought two. I went further into the neighborhood; close to where wealthy people lived.
I walked up to a lovely house which was at least two miles away from the trailer park. I stepped nearer and nearer.
I rang the doorbell and yelled, "Trick or treat!"
A woman with a kind- looking face said, " Oh, I’m sorry. I left my candy in the back room because I didn’t think anyone would come this early. Come in and sit."
I walked in and the old lady left to her back room. The door closed behind me, making me jump. Out of the blue, two guys, dressed in black, tackled me. I started screaming and fighting back, but they were too strong for me.
I was tied to a chair, with tape on my mouth and a blindfold over my eyes. After, attempting to fight the rope, blindfold, and tape, I calmed down and thought about what was going to happen to me. A vaguely familiar voice talked to me. Although it said mean, cold words, the voice comforted me. I felt happy to hear it. Lost in its words, I fell asleep.
I woke up to someone pushing me from behind. The comforting voice spoke again.
It declared sternly, "I hate you and your family, because you have betrayed me."
I thought to myself, "Who are you and what did we do to you?"
Somebody untied the blindfold revealing my mother and brother lying on the floor in front of me with a dark red puddle under them and my father pointing a gun to my face.
questions:
1. what grade level do u think im writing at?
2. what should be the title?
3. do u see any mistakes i made? (sorry about all the spaces, it wouldn’t let me indent and i wanted to separate the paragraphs.
1: 10th grade
2: Lost Heart
3: fifteen
you had really good adjectives
October 9th, 2009 at 6:10 am
1: 10th grade
2: Lost Heart
3: fifteen
you had really good adjectives
References :
October 9th, 2009 at 6:20 am
1. 10 or maybe 11th
2. " Betrayed " (very original…)
3. My grammar is terrible….I dont know. Just copy & Paste in microsoft word and then you’ll get the answer.lol.
References :